Orange Crush: I found an Orange Crush t-shirt in a Salvation Army store. This was the shirt I was wearing when I met Beck Hansen. He was so short that I was just about eye-to-eye with him, and he said he liked my shirt. He looked like he was fourteen. This was in the dressing room at the Great American Music Hall or something. Me and Ert were on KARP’s list that night. I later ruined this t-shirt during some dumbass period of heartbreak by covering the word “Crush” with duct tape. Stupid.

Squirt: Grapefruit soda. I loved this stuff. I remember drinking it often as a kid because my dad would buy it. But I haven’t had any in years. Squirt! There is really something raunchy about this drink. Possibly the name?

Irn Bru: Scottish soft drink that I discovered in Leeds. I honestly can not remember the flavor, though. It was orange, but I don’t think it was orange soda per se. Maybe it was a kind of cream soda? I don’t know. Anyway everyone there loved it and told me several times that in Scotland, it outsells Coca-Cola.

Root Beer: I like Henry Weinhard’s root beer. It comes in a four-pack of glass bottles. When I was a kid, there was only one thing I wanted when the family went out for pizza. A slice of sausage pizza and a root beer. I was extremely consistent on this point. We went to the Round Table in the supermarket strip mall a lot.

Tab: This stuff is sick. My aunt Linda always had it around. That bright saturated pink can. One time I worked at this sci-fi book store and we had this big book signing with Anne Rice when “Memnoch” came out. She was of course a total diva, and requested that she be provided with a six-pack of Tab for the signing. She was dressed all in black and was wearing this ridiculous veil. Other than that she was fine, though.