Things I Will Miss About San Francisco

My friends
Golden Gate Park
Light rail (though it sucks often, it’s fast when it works)
The Giants
Philz, Peet’s, and Blue Bottle coffee
Arizmendi Bakery
La Mediteranee
Pizza Orgasmica
Mayor Newsom and our liberal city government
Plastic carry-out bags against the law
The gays
Easy access to farmer’s market and good food in general
No active volcanoes nearby
No Wal-Mart

Things I Will Not Miss About San Francisco

Tiny urban condominiums that start at only $1.2 million
Filth and garbage everywhere
Cold, foggy summers
Inconsiderate and careless drivers
Five thousand homeless people, pissing in doorways of aforementioned million-dollar houses
Waiting thirty minutes for the next train
Our fucking bitch landlady
The Haight, Fisherman’s Wharf, The Mission
The ugly carpeting on our bathroom floor, the rusty 50-year-old pipes, the cheap overpainted cupboards, shitty windows with no screens, ugly plastic kitchen floor, ant invasions every winter, lack of upgraded anything throughout, lack of direct sunlight, lack of closet space, and all-around crappyness of our $1850/mo apartment
No place to park
Highest gas prices in the land
Crappy public schools
Large and active faults in the earth’s crust