So, dinner tonight was meatloaf leftovers. Which was awesome and delicious, even tastier on the second day, right?

I was stuck without a side dish though. I looked in the cupboard, which still contains some of the food my dad left behind. Saw a box of “Pasta Roni” and thought oh ok, maybe some plain pasta with butter will work.

There was absolutely, positively NOTHING “Italiano” about this crap.

As I was cooking it, I took a glance at the ingredients.

(copied from ricearoni.com web site)

“DURUM WHEAT SEMOLINA, WHEAT FLOUR, WHEY, [here is where the flavor packet starts] SALT, PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED PALM OIL, NATURAL FLAVORS [ominously vague], CORN SYRUP*, ONIONS*, [genetically] MODIFIED CORN STARCH, MONOSODIUM GLUTAMATE [but of course], PARSLEY*, BUTTER(CREAM), GUAR GUM, SOY LECITHIN, DISODIUM PHOSPHATE, XANTHAN GUM, AUTOLYZED YEAST EXTRACT, NONFAT MILK, SODIUM CASEINATE, GARLIC*, ANNATTO COLOR, FERROUS SULFATE, NIACIN, THIAMIN MONONITRATE, RIBOFLAVIN, FOLIC ACID.

*DRIED.”

Hmm, I thought. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe I should have remembered that almost all pre-packaged rice/noodle/stuffing products that come with a “flavor packet” are pretty much pure chemicals. 860mg of sodium per serving???

But what else should I expect from Golden Grain? Oh wait… I mean Quaker Oats? checks fine print in web site’s terms of use. Oh. PepsiCo.

***

“The company consists of Frito-Lay North America, PepsiCo Beverages North America, PepsiCo International and Quaker Foods North America. PepsiCo brands are available in nearly 200 countries and territories and generate sales at the retail level of about $92 billion.

Some of PepsiCo’s brand names are more than 100-years-old, but the corporation is relatively young. PepsiCo was founded in 1965 through the merger of Pepsi-Cola and Frito-Lay. Tropicana was acquired in 1998 and PepsiCo merged with The Quaker Oats Company, including Gatorade, in 2001.

PepsiCo offers product choices to meet a broad variety of needs and preference — from fun-for-you items to product choices that contribute to healthier lifestyles.

PepsiCo’s mission is “To be the world’s premier consumer products company focused on convenient foods and beverages. We seek to produce healthy financial rewards to investors as we provide opportunities for growth and enrichment to our employees, our business partners and the communities in which we operate. And in everything we do, we strive for honesty, fairness and integrity.”

***

ANYWAY. So I have this box of low-grade dried tube pasta and paper pouch of yellowish powder. I was kind of grossed out at this point, but now I was curious too, since it has been many years since I have eaten something like this.

I served it with some good parmesan grated on top, hoping it would add something, or mask something. To no avail. For so many ingredients and chemicals and sodium, it was remarkably, shockingly bland. It tasted like nothing, like runny paste. But worse than that, it tasted BAD. My palate has become so accustomed to real spices and flavors and freshness, I couldn’t even eat two bites of this garbage. Brian took one forkful and was like, uh, no.

It all went into the trash. We ate organic lowfat yogurts instead. HIPPIES. Maybe so.

Why do people put this shit into their bodies?

I should have boiled some good pasta and made a nice roux for it with aforementioned parmesan. Ah well, lesson learned.