Dearest Wealthy Admirer,

Please buy me this for Christmas. Or my birthday. Or both, as they are only separated by eleven short, wintery days. You’ll find it on the sale pile at the downtown Seattle Nordstrom. I promise to love and cherish it always and forever. And name it after you.

love,
very sleepy jane

PS: That reminds me. I was riding the bus today and overheard some guy telling his friend what he was getting his son for his “Christmas/birthday present.” Sigh. Another poor bastard cursed with a birth date right next to Christmas day. Those of you with summer birthdays don’t know how good you got it.

WOE IS ME

zzzzz