I finished the $3.97 paperback romance by the way. Holy hot damn it was bad. I wish I still had it with me so I could quote a few passages. But here are a few notes off the top of my head.
+ So the first time the Girl and the Guy meet, they have this little conversation in the lobby of his law firm (of COURSE he’s a lawyer! and he drives an SUV!). He’s trying to get her to not leave town or whatever, even though they met ten minutes earlier and what does he care. In the midst of the conversation, he GRABS HER ARM, at least once if not twice. If some dude I just met grabbed my arm, you can bet your ass I wouldn’t just stand there and not at least comment on it.
+ There’s this part where the Guy is supposed to be all flustered because he’s all staring at the Girl’s ~*~breasts~*~ or whatever, he’s a perv. To convey this, the author describes how he checks his watch and the Girl observes how fast his pulse is racing. In his wrist. Wow. Someone call 911!
+ The description was so minimal, I really got no sense of what the setting looked like, felt like, sounded like, and so on. Though the author did love describing everyone’s clothes. And every time the Girl, a recovering alcoholic, thinks about booze, she licks her lips. This happened several times. “She stared at the liquor cabinet, filled with bottles. She licked her lips, thinking about having a drink.” And later, “the wine bottle stood open on the table. She licked her lips.” WE GET IT, SHE HAS CHAPPED LIPS. Get some Aquaphor.
+ The only two curse words in the book: damn; hell.
+ So toward the end there’s the big “sex scene”, aka half the reason anyone buys these books. Too bad it was one of the least sexy sex scenes ever written. To avoid naming any actual body parts (except ~*~breasts~*~) or using any offensive language, the whole thing is written in this really confusing, abstract way, with lots of bad metaphors and awkwardness. It did not get me hot. Also I didn’t buy that it would happen that way anyway. Seemed forced, like the author realized, shit, I’m on page 200 and these two haven’t screwed yet… Then, later on, the Girl character is reminiscing about how good this guy was in bed. Really? Because I did not get that, based on the way it was told to me.
An interesting writing exercise for me might be to take a chapter from this book, and rewrite it in a way that is vivid, compelling, and realistic. Maybe I’ll give that a shot.
Nothing about waves cresting or completion? Those are usually key works
signed,
former Silhouette Desire junkie
Ha ha! I will go back and look later tonight.
I can see how these things could be addictive if you wanted a read that was swift and almost… comforting. Like, you know what’s going to happen and it’s short enough that you don’t mind taking the time to get there. This book was 240 pages, I knocked it out in two days (as I’m sure the author did, too).
I’ve actually heard (in all of my creative writing classes and from other writers) that the romance genre is actually incredibly difficult to write. It’s a formula that these syndicates take very seriously, but once you get a formula and following,you can actually get published and make money. Look at Janet Evanovich. And look at the incredibly terrifying state of publishing and its future.
So… even though it’s not your (or my!) cup of tea, I could never do it. Nor would I want to, but after hearing all about it, I have more respect for the writers, no matter how crappy I think the books are.
I think you should– like a before and after! And post it!