This morning I woke up just after 3am to pee, as usual, then lay in bed awake. I felt hungry, so I ate some walnuts. Lay down again. Couldn’t sleep. I turned to look at the clock. It was 4:45. I stared at the dark shapes in the room. I listened to Kona on her bed, breathing heavily as though in a dream. I climbed down beside her and pet her soft ears and kissed her head. It hardly seemed worth it to just lay awake anymore, so I put on a sweater and slippers and went downstairs. Dog and cats followed.

I washed all the dishes in the sink, made a cup of tea, and ate a slice of the banana bread I baked last night. Watched “Project Runway” on the Tivo. Despite it being 6:30 now, Kona thought it was playtime, and kept bringing her soft frisbee over to my lap.

Baby is four days “overdue”, which I realize is arbitrary, meaningless, and not worth worrying over. But I am so ready and I wonder what is the holdup, why isn’t she ready, too?

Yesterday morning I lost my mucus plug while in the shower. For those who do not know what that means, the mucus plug is what it sounds like: it’s a thick blob that protects the uterus from bacteria by sealing over the cervix. Well, I looked down while bathing, for whatever reason, and saw this huge yellowish blob on the floor. It was dim in there so at first I didn’t even know what I was looking at and for some reason thought maybe it was a piece of sea sponge that had fallen into the tub. Which is absurd. Before I could investigate further, it had slipped down the drain entirely.

An hour later, there was more, after I used the toilet. Like the novice I am, I wondered if things would start happening within the hour. No, they did not, but losing one’s plug at this late stage is a meaningful sign that labor *could* start in a couple days.

In the afternoon, I went out for coffee with my doula. We went to this great little coffeeshop downtown that I’ve driven past many times. It’s the type of place with carpeted floors and mismatched tables and random funky stuff all over the place. I liked it. Kristina brought her three kids with her, who were all very well behaved and charming. She and I talked about pregnancy and birth stuff, as usual. She makes me feel extremely confident. I just want to get going, I know I can handle whatever nature throws at me, and if not, I know I’ll be okay anyway.

Today is extremely gray and dismal. So much for walking Kona again. I need to be walking, so the best way for me to do that indoors is to do more housework. The master bathroom is pretty gross (to me) at this point, and has been on my to-do list for weeks. Got to clean it up.

I opened up a chapter from my book this morning, too, which I sadly have not looked at in a shamefully long time. So many revisions have taken place in my head since the last time I typed anything, I could just start over from scratch and probably will. Maybe my goal today will be writing a few paragraphs.

The baby will come when she is ready. I am strongly opposed to inducement except in cases of emergency. I am starting to feel a bit pressured and overwhelmed by the constant inquiries and encouragement. The baby cannot hear you. She does not care that we all want to meet her. She will instigate labor at the moment she chooses. Her mama does not want to feel like she is disappointing everyone by not producing a baby in a timely fashion. So please be sensitive to this if any pregnant woman you know has gone past her due date. She wants the baby to come, she is tired of being pregnant, she doesn’t need reminders of this. Maybe she just wants to watch baseball on TV and bake cookies and play with the dog while she waits.

I understand everyone has the best of intentions, of course. But I guess it’s hard to understand how it feels until you’re going through it. “Where is that baby??” She is in my uterus, of course.

Also I am hormonal. Apologies!