Hurry up and get that baby into her own bed.
Get her to Sleep Through The Night as soon as possible.
Start feeding her solids at six months; she’s ready.
Hurry up and grow up, kid.
Start to walk, and talk, now! Start to draw logical conclusions about the world around you!
“That baby needs to learn to be independent.”
Etc.
Well.
A baby is only a baby for such a tiny fraction of her life.
What’s the rush?
An independent baby is an oxymoron. She is 100% dependent, on me.
It’s hard for an adult to accept, to embrace, the neediness and dependence of an infant. It calls on one to leave selfish things behind.
Thus the urge to push them toward this fantasy of “independence.”
But an infant needs her mother.
Needs. Her mother.
My baby would be happy, healthy, and content, if she were strapped to my side (or my back) all the live long day.
(Of course I do not have servants to take care of my household, so she doesn’t get that particular luxury…)
But I am not in a hurry to end her babyhood. I am not pushing her out of my bed, or away from my breast. She is a baby animal, a kitten, a cub, and she needs the safety of our nest.
To push her away when she is just a baby would be to tell her that she is Alone in the world. That her parents won’t protect her from predators (their brand-new minds are quite primitive like that).
Forming a strong attachment to her family will set the stage for strong, healthy attachments in life, to friends, and partners. It will teach her to trust, it will teach her positive affection, it will fill her with a sense of security and self-worth. That’s our hope, anyway.
We’re not perfect. We do our best.
She’s not ready for daily solid meals, so I let her taste a few spoonfuls, then stop.
She will eat food someday.
She will sleep in her own room someday.
She will not need to be held all the time someday.
It’s not so far away, really.
“They grow up so fast…”
I am letting my little one grow up at her own pace.
When she is ready for her independence, I am sure she will let me know.
It angers me that policies in our country do not support parenting in this way, and that yet again this is an issue that divides people among class lines.
Not only do I not have a “servant” but I do not have the option to stay home for the first years of my daughter’s life. So I do the best I can, nurse as long as I can and spend time close with her as much as I can, until I must return to work. Then I will pump when I have to, and she will eat from a bottle or a cup when I am away, and I will hope that my milk supply will hold out. And I am lucky because my situation could be a lot worse for her and for me. I have the flexibility to work part-time, and we are able to sacrifice that part of my income. Also, I will work less than five miles from home two days per week so that I can come home to nurse. My daughter will be cared for by her loving father and her loving grandmother, at least for a few months, rather than by strangers at a daycare center. I realize that other women have fewer choices. For this isn’t about not wanting to give up cable tv or a 3000 square foot home, it is about being able to meet the minimum financial requirements of being able to maintain a household where we live. (And we did plan for this baby.)
I believe in attachment parenting, but I refuse to feel guilty for doing the best I can with what I have right now. I have met other mothers in parenting groups who have domestic help (undocumented Bolivian cleaning lady, anyone?) so they can spend every waking moment caring for their children. Will their children really be more loved and well-adjusted in the world than mine?
I don’t think any style of parenting can prevent a kid from growing up to be 13 and yelling “I HATE YOU!” at the people who took care of him/her all that time before.
I dunno, one of my good friends was parented in the so-called “AP” style and never once even thought of telling her mom she hated her. *shrug*
I don’t believe that teens “hating” their parents is a given, a foregone conclusion. I really don’t.
I agree that our country does not actually support the best interests of children. Our government policies completely pay lip service to caring for kids — if they did there would be mandatory paid maternity leave, etc.
I don’t think AP is about money, though. It’s a style of parenting also called “natural” or “gentle” parenting. There are surely a great, great many wealthy parents who put their newborns into cribs and make them cry it out, etc. And it goes well beyond infancy, and is about how you relate to your toddler, your grade school kid, etc.
This post isn’t about anyone but me, and my daughter. It’s mainly about nighttime parenting, in fact, which has nothing to do with a family’s income. I get a lot of judgment for co-sleeping/bedsharing, even from our pediatrician, and I know that will continue until she chooses to leave our bed, probably in about 12-18 months from now.
Anyway, you are doing your very best, as am I, as everyone does. I know lots of moms who are super committed to attachment parenting who also work full time. I think as long as your keep your baby’s needs at the front of your priorities, doing your best will be plenty.
We stopped telling our pediatrician where Autumn slept, she’ll ask how she is sleeping and we say fine.
I’m going to do this, too. It’s really none of my doctor’s business. My baby’s health is all she needs to be concerned with.
Agree with you 100%! Why do people keep asking me when Erika is going to sleep on her own, or sleep through the night?!
I have friends/family who think of sleeping through the night as this Holy Grail they must achieve in order to succeed as parents, as soon as possible.
Little infant brains simply are not wired for all-night sleep cycles. They cycle sleep-wake every three or four hours. And when “trained” to sleep all night, it can mess with them enough to cause sleep disorders.
I don’t even sleep through the night! I usually wake once or twice. I just don’t cry for my mom anymore when I do 😉
My breasts nor my bladder can tolerate going more than that anyway… even pre-baby, because I consume a lot of water, I pee every few hours anyhow!
Sorry for the rant, this really is not the place I guess! I am just raw about stuff since I go back to work this week.
It is my understanding that babies sleep longer periods (not always at night) when they are developmentally ready. And all babies are different. We co-sleep and have not attempted any “baby training” but our three month old daughter has settled into a five or six hour stretch of sleep at night.
Doctors give a lot of misinformation about nursing, co-sleeping, etc. It is so disappointing, and dangerous, really.
It is very sad that doctors don’t seem to think out of their medical school/AMA box. I have gotten lots of advice from our ped that I disagree with. Like the commenter above, I am just going to start lying about where Freya sleeps, what she eats, etc. At our 6 month appt the doctor said she “needs” to start eating solid foods, pronto. Well, Freya isn’t ready, and we have offered many times. She eats a little, then starts spitting it out. They really don’t NEED solids until one year.
Freya is a great sleeper. She has steadily increased her length of sleep at night and now, at eight months, usually only nurses once or twice, and very sleepily. I have friends with 8-week olds trying to get them to sleep all night. 🙁