Having a shitty cold at the same time one gets pregnant kind of complicates things, makes pregnancy symptoms harder to distinguish, and all around sucks. But this cold seems to FINALLY, after four weeks, be leaving me.

Also getting pregnant at the onset of winter kinda sucks too — it’s dark and cold and damp and bleh and having no energy already is not helped by the season at all. I imagine things would be lots more motivating if it was 80 degrees out and I could take a nice walk or sit outside. That said, the flipside is a lovely back half of the pregnancy spent in spring and early summer — that will be very nice indeed. AND having a newborn all summer instead of all winter will also be excellent. With Freya born at the end of October, I basically hibernated with her throughout her “fourth trimester.” (The fourth trimester is a baby’s first three months or so of life, when they are not yet fully in the world and are happiest when their environment closely resembles the womb, thus the swaddling, babywearing, and attachment to mama at all times.)

It hasn’t totally sunk in yet, but once I feel the first kick, in seven or eight weeks time, I will begin to get to know this baby. I feel that I already am showing, which is to be expected for a second — the skin, muscles, and uterus have been pre-stretched so easily pop back out at the slightest provocation. Also, there’s bloating, and, pre-pregnancy, I was kind of had my little pot tumtum anyways. Now it’s just rounder, and getting steadily firmer. I already want maternity jeans. The open fly and bella band are a drag, and I can’t wear dresses all the time in winter.

Freya has learned to say “Mommy is having another baby in her tummy!!” It is really cute, even though I’m sure she doesn’t really know what she is saying. But I remind her of it a lot, and as the baby grows and she gets more and more understanding, I will talk to her about the baby, take her to my appointments, and let her feel my belly, so that she is prepared and excited for the new addition.

To be honest I am still kind of freaking out and I probably will until the day the new baby arrives. A part of me honestly believed I might never get pregnant again, so I was ready for a life with an only child. Now I must figure out how I will handle a toddler and a baby, how we will get through the day (and night). I envy my friends and their big, close families. We will largely be on our own for this. Thank goodness for those aforementioned friends, who are endlessly supportive and understanding.

Speaking of, my friend Rachel gave birth today to her second daughter. It was a relatively short labor, though I don’t know any other details. She now has a newborn and a nearly 3-year-old, the same boat I will be in next summer. Rachel is incredibly strong, resourceful, and kind. She is awe-inspiring, actually. I know she will be an amazing mother of two, and as she still has her youth, will likely try for a third at some point.

I feel overwhelmed by the thought, but I am also excited and know what I am getting myself into. The baby years will be exhausting and tough, but they pass quickly. I will try to stay positive, to have fun, and above all else, be as patient as I can possibly be.