We’ve been going to a “gymnastics” class on Tuesdays. It’s pretty much a bunch of two and three year olds running around like maniacs on the various stations: balance beam, rope swing, tumbling mats, and a short bar to swing on.

Freya is the only girl. I assumed a gymnastics class would be full of little girls, but no. So, it’s a bunch of screaming boys, all older and bigger then her, running and jumping and launching themselves over things and crying and having tantrums. It’s great. Freya is funny; whenever a boy is having some kind of meltdown, she just watches him quietly with this look on her face of curiosity. She has never behaved like that in public (yeah I know, wait for three).

Anyway there’s this one mom and little boy there who have quite a contentious relationship. He’s probably three and very high energy. He screams “NO” at her a lot, and isn’t very interested in taking turns on the equipment. Every time, this results in mom dragging him over to the chairs for a time out, where he sobs and she doesn’t touch him and just tells him how bad he is. Then by the end of class, usually he has some other kind of tantrum over something, and I get to overhear the mom listing off the punishments he has coming, no TV (or more specifically this week, no TV in the car), etc.

It’s hard for me to watch and overhear this going on every time. I feel bad for this little boy. He needs to be hugged, he needs someone to tell him his feelings are being heard and understood, that sometimes it’s hard to learn how to share. He needs some empathy and compassion, instead he gets threats and frequent time outs. I understand that it’s hard when kids are at that age. Freya is not perfect (no one is); she has her moments when she chases the cat or throws her toys or cries because she’s busy with something and we decide it’s time to do something else. But when these things happen and we aren’t pleased with her behavior, we keep our voices calm, explain what she is doing that is not okay, or redirect her to something else. I want her to know she has boundaries, but she will also be respected, and listened to. Toddlers just do not handle their emotions the way we do.

I can’t articulate this all as well as others could. I just know it’s hard for me to watch a three-year-old kid being continually punished in this way. I’m sure it’s always been this way for him, and it won’t change. The mom is pregnant as well, a little behind me. She has already decided on a repeat c-section, based on some advice she got somewhere, not on any kind of medical need. She’s the norm, she is mainstream parenting in America.

My friends who practice natural/attachment parenting have, in general, the most calm, polite, and friendly children I know. They have creative solutions to tantrums and meltdowns. It is so, so important. We are raising future adults, right? We want more nice, loving, compassionate people in the world. It sounds like hyperbole, I know, but it really does start at birth.