Audrey is three weeks old today. She definitely looks and feels bigger. Freya had a very hard time making back her birth weight, and I know it was my fault for my nursing struggles. I can’t believe it took us seven weeks with her to start nursing laying down. I suffered through night feedings with Freya sitting up uncomfortably in bed for way too long. It made me dread feeding her at night. With Audrey, we were laying down nursing pretty much as soon as we got home from the hospital. In fact I even tried it in the hospital on our first night there, but it was too awkward in that bed.

This morning I am having a hard time. I have already cried once, and so has Freya. I’ve been trying to get Audrey to settle into a nap, and it seemed like every time she did, Freya started being loud and woke her up, which meant I had to start all over again. So frustrating, and I started spiraling down. At the same time I realized I haven’t seen any of my friends for a while now, or heard from anyone, and they are all off having parties and planning dinners and I can’t go to anything anymore. I can’t leave Audrey for more than an hour (nor do I really want to), and I can’t take her out on long evening drives because it’s likely she would freak out and cry in her car seat the whole time, and I don’t want to put her through that. I still haven’t gone out with both girls by myself because I still don’t have a competent carrier for wearing Audrey in.

So I am here at home and it’s gray and gloomy outside and I can’t really get anything done because Audrey will wake up if I wash dishes or empty the dishwasher or try to clean up. I have to make lunch for Freya soon and then the baby will wake up and I will need to pick her up and try to give Freya lunch and what about my lunch? Well I just finished my breakfast twenty minutes ago, it took about three hours to eat my cold bowl of oatmeal.

Upside: I actually got a shower this morning, what a miracle. Also I think I might be done with postpartum spotting, which would be awesome. The end.