The difference between Freya’s birth and Audrey’s is vast. Freya was born surgically, two weeks past due, at the onset of winter. We had to remain at the hospital for three miserable days. I don’t clearly recall a lot of my initial post-partum period, apart from being extremely anxious about her weight and about breastfeeding, which was painful and difficult at first, feeling isolated and alone, and the terrible pain of recovering from major abdominal surgery. Not to mention the long period of lochia, not getting much sleep, and on top of it all, dealing with the illness and death of my beloved pet cat, Simon, right after Christmas. The first two or three months with Freya are a scattered blur.

By contrast, Audrey arrived two weeks early, but her labor started at home spontaneously, my water rupturing on its own in the middle of the night as I lay in bed. We labored at home for about two hours but my contractions suddenly ramped up to 3 to 5 minutes apart so we headed to the hospital at dawn. Things progressed rapidly there (I went from 2cm to 10cm in about one hour shortly after arrival, and that’s with NO pitocin, ladies!), and after two hours of upright pushing, she was born and placed into my arms as naturally and normally as can be. The sun was shining gloriously through the window, it was a beautiful summery day. I had Audrey nursing within 30 minutes, and we were never separated for our entire stay at the hospital.

I have mainly had to contend with the pain of my second-degree tear. I was sitting on ice packs and using witch hazel pads for a while, along with taking nice baths. It was pretty sensitive for the first two weeks, but now is mostly unnoticeable. Of course there is no other pain at all — I just had some cramping in the first week or so as my uterus contracted back to normal size, as well as the discomfort of my milk coming in and regulating. But now that’s all better, too. I have already lost 20 pounds, and my stomach is nearly back to its pre-preg size (really needs some work though, that will start soon).

I’m three weeks from the birth and feeling great. I can’t run or exercise yet, but that’s normal. I expect I will be ready for that in another week or two. I have a huge boost of confidence as a mother that I didn’t have before. My challenge now is to parent a toddler while simultaneously tending to the 24/7 needs of a newborn. So far it’s going well. Freya has had a couple of meltdowns, but she is also two and a half. She’s adjusting, and I am making it a point to make one-on-one time with her.

If you have had a c-section, and are planning to have another baby, I URGE you to try for a VBAC, especially if there is no indication that the reason for your c-section will recur. I did everything I could to prepare myself. I read amazing books (Birthing From Within and Natural Hospital Birth), I did two courses of prenatal yoga, taught by a doula and childbirth educator, took a childbirth course from that same doula, did some “birth art” with our doula Kristina, and made having a normal, natural birth my primary focus. I will grant that I was lucky to have everything go so perfectly — labor starting on its own, progressing relatively quickly, and pushing my baby through my pelvis with no complications at all — but I know in my heart that without all my preparation, I may have lost my focus or lost my courage in labor. Those contractions were brutal. Pushing was HARD work. But I knew I could do it. I embraced and savored my rests between contractions. I stayed in the moment, I was TRULY present. It was amazing! I will always have that accomplishment to be proud of. When I come up against something difficult again in life, I will know that I possess the strength to get through it, because I have already done one of the hardest things any woman can do.

Oh and, I’m never going through that again. We are DONE. Heh.